dumped
i write this after my sabotaged relationship has just ended, and even on my boyfriend's birthday. so gemini of him. feeling more alone than ever, but truthfully saw the end coming. my patterns in life have become clearer and clearer to me lately, as i have had the chance to reflect. it is so hard when someone breaks up with you. we all most likely experienced this sort of pain sometime, not only adopted people. and after the fact, you realize that you never totally let them in to your life. because what is your life? lost and confused. i think adopted people know rejection very well in life, but we are still deathly afraid of it. i could pull out pieces of this article i found today, but really the whole thing is worth a read, especially if you are reading this searching for answers.
i am going to spend my summer in san francisco starting mid june. i was so looking forward to it, because at the moment my boyfriend is there and we were doing the long distance thing. also i lived there for 8 years, that is where i have friends and support. i am okay living here in los angeles after 2 years, loving the real summer weather, but ideally would like to move back up north. and my boyfriend and i talked about living together again there at the end of the summer, but i had been realizing lately that it wasn't realistic to plan on it. we moved here to LA together, but broke up once, he moved out and back up there... and somehow after not speaking for several months we decided we couldn't live without eachother and to try again. god i just reread that, and perhaps the complications of it all are breaking us apart. anyhoo, i am still looking forward to it, as my chance to get some real help to finally put at end to these issues that hold me back in life and ruin many realtionships. i am going to see someone who does regression therapy, through hypnosis and other techniques. sure to be some good blogging stories, i can already smell it...
see there are lots of issues that people have due to circumstance, by no fault of their own. something painful that happened at a young age, abuse, a loved one dying, etc. we store old wounds in our bodies and souls. it is painful to relive or uncover them, but even more painful to live with them and never realize. once cleared you are free, as oppossed to taking daily medication to make you feel happy all the time. i know people need that stuff sometimes, but those drug companies are making a killing covering up the underlying issues that therapists don't let patients face. and that's stuff that causes cronic illness, which creates more pain and therefore more pills...oh this is a whole nother topic, don't get me started. my mantra: i will not give up till i find real answers. i just don't see any other choice for myself.
i am going to spend my summer in san francisco starting mid june. i was so looking forward to it, because at the moment my boyfriend is there and we were doing the long distance thing. also i lived there for 8 years, that is where i have friends and support. i am okay living here in los angeles after 2 years, loving the real summer weather, but ideally would like to move back up north. and my boyfriend and i talked about living together again there at the end of the summer, but i had been realizing lately that it wasn't realistic to plan on it. we moved here to LA together, but broke up once, he moved out and back up there... and somehow after not speaking for several months we decided we couldn't live without eachother and to try again. god i just reread that, and perhaps the complications of it all are breaking us apart. anyhoo, i am still looking forward to it, as my chance to get some real help to finally put at end to these issues that hold me back in life and ruin many realtionships. i am going to see someone who does regression therapy, through hypnosis and other techniques. sure to be some good blogging stories, i can already smell it...
see there are lots of issues that people have due to circumstance, by no fault of their own. something painful that happened at a young age, abuse, a loved one dying, etc. we store old wounds in our bodies and souls. it is painful to relive or uncover them, but even more painful to live with them and never realize. once cleared you are free, as oppossed to taking daily medication to make you feel happy all the time. i know people need that stuff sometimes, but those drug companies are making a killing covering up the underlying issues that therapists don't let patients face. and that's stuff that causes cronic illness, which creates more pain and therefore more pills...oh this is a whole nother topic, don't get me started. my mantra: i will not give up till i find real answers. i just don't see any other choice for myself.
posted by babs @ 7:41 PM
2 comments
2 Comments:
You are totally right about pills leading to more pills. The major drug companies conviently leave that fact off the labels.
Don't let all this get you down Babs. It sounds to me like this break up will be your ex boyfriend's loss. he could have had a cool girl living with him, after all that time spent at a distance.
If it makes you feel better, I just went out to dinner with a girl. We had dinner and drinks and spent a lot of time laughing. I had not gotten my hopes up about someone in a long time, but I really liked this girl. At the end of the night I started to get mixed signals and I guess she was not quite on the same page as me. I was bummed, but sometimes life is like that.
I know your situation is more of a long term disappointment, but you should know that you are not alone.
Plus, when you get to San Fran the guys are going to be all over you and your ex will be the one who is bumming.
awwh! pm, you are just what i needed, all cute and warm and fuzzy in your photo too:)
sorry to hear of your bummer date, but i have believe things happen for reasons we may never understand...i have to believe it is because the right person for us is yet to be found, don't wanna let the wrong one stand in the way!! 'step aside, sir, please sir, step aside!' (you would insert madam for sir)
i always knew deep down my ex and i were not a forever deal, just so hard that i didn't admit that to myself and tell him first...it's true that doors open when old ones close. i can tell you are an awesome guy peter, and said beautifully, sometimes life is just like that.
Post a Comment
<< Home