frustration! ventalator!
i still cannot figure out why my blog photo won't update, followed all the instructions. or why i cannot seem to figure out how to title each post. i can on my other blog so it is extra weird. ah well. i've had a hell of a time dealing with cyberspace today starting with earthlink "technical support" (boycott! boycott!). they lost a little over 24 hours worth of my email. POOF! nowhere does it exist. who might have emailed me? please resend if it was you and i have not responded. I hate earthlink. sick and tired of trying to get a real person on the phone who knows what you're talking about and much less wants to help. customer service these days, in most companies, just plain ol' sucks. and i even tried the chat tech support. jees! i took a shower inbetween our conversation the guy must have been buying dounts or something...and still never got anywhere. and if you get lucky and talk to someone, it seems nowadays you are always calling india, and the person on the other line just says "i'm sorry madam for the inconvience (with a head bobble)." i am a big fan of india, i've been there and it is an amazing country from what i've seen....but come on! they cannot understand our issues over here all the time, and vice-versa. maybe it's cheap for these big companies here to hire people over there, but they are wasting their $ and OUR TIME!
but what does this have to do with my life? well nothing really. venting frustraton. why do i get so caught up? my cat seems to entertain himself forver with the plastic ring from the top of an odwalla bottle. i guess i have deep desires for my life to be that simple. but as we try and simplify our lives with technology, we are actually allowing them to be more complicated due to the ability to multi-task. i am guilty of that, i admit. i will ponder why....
i do find life today a bit overwhelming. i've always felt like i'm struggling to keep above water, caught in a rip tide. to keep up with the idea of where i think i'm supossed to be at this point in life. i feel as though it is all a failure up
until now, like i'm so-so at lots of thing but i'm not very good at anything. like if i don't get married and have a baby in the next couple of years i'm a failure. like i should know the answer to everything, like that movie line, that book, and "yeah, i've traveled there! yes!" where do people get the time for all that stuff, and still have all the money in the world. and get their phd.
perhaps i've spent too much time trying to find myself. i remember a quote i heard once during an osho meditation in india. "in order to find yourself, you must first lose yourself". he was a smart man i must say. but damn, i've felt freakin lost my entire life!! his ideas were (i say were because he is no longer on this earth, yet his teachings are still very much followed) to strip away society's conditions to find your true self. he was a man very ahead of his time... i wish you weren't considered such a freak in society for doing so. i felt comfortable there, although when some people send 6 months to a year there, i was only there for 3 days. memorable ones.
what i'm getting at...i think adopted people spend a lot of time trying to find themselves. we are put on this earth without roots. it is a benefit really, it is why i turned to art, yoga, alternative medicine, acting, yadda yadda. i am different and that makes me search more and more, rather than following the mold my parents may have wished i did. they live in pennsylvania, i've been in california for 10 years now. i am more comfortable searching than settling. because settling can be very unsettling....
but what does this have to do with my life? well nothing really. venting frustraton. why do i get so caught up? my cat seems to entertain himself forver with the plastic ring from the top of an odwalla bottle. i guess i have deep desires for my life to be that simple. but as we try and simplify our lives with technology, we are actually allowing them to be more complicated due to the ability to multi-task. i am guilty of that, i admit. i will ponder why....
i do find life today a bit overwhelming. i've always felt like i'm struggling to keep above water, caught in a rip tide. to keep up with the idea of where i think i'm supossed to be at this point in life. i feel as though it is all a failure up
until now, like i'm so-so at lots of thing but i'm not very good at anything. like if i don't get married and have a baby in the next couple of years i'm a failure. like i should know the answer to everything, like that movie line, that book, and "yeah, i've traveled there! yes!" where do people get the time for all that stuff, and still have all the money in the world. and get their phd.perhaps i've spent too much time trying to find myself. i remember a quote i heard once during an osho meditation in india. "in order to find yourself, you must first lose yourself". he was a smart man i must say. but damn, i've felt freakin lost my entire life!! his ideas were (i say were because he is no longer on this earth, yet his teachings are still very much followed) to strip away society's conditions to find your true self. he was a man very ahead of his time... i wish you weren't considered such a freak in society for doing so. i felt comfortable there, although when some people send 6 months to a year there, i was only there for 3 days. memorable ones.
what i'm getting at...i think adopted people spend a lot of time trying to find themselves. we are put on this earth without roots. it is a benefit really, it is why i turned to art, yoga, alternative medicine, acting, yadda yadda. i am different and that makes me search more and more, rather than following the mold my parents may have wished i did. they live in pennsylvania, i've been in california for 10 years now. i am more comfortable searching than settling. because settling can be very unsettling....
posted by babs @ 11:17 PM
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